Front Porch Podcast – Episode 5: Welcome Love, Welcome the Stranger (Part 2)

Anna Hall: Welcome to The Front Porch Podcast. I’m Anna Hall, and this is part two of my conversation with David E. Jackson. In our previous conversation, David shared how he and his wife came to St. Paul’s Towers and how the community supported them as his wife was dying and in David’s experience of grief.

Today we continue with part two: “Welcome Love, Welcome the Stranger.”

Tell us about love and your experience of opening to love and opening to love in the context of community.

David E. Jackson: So, I didn’t know how much Phyllis loved me until she died. And we were only married 50 years… so

Anna Hall: That’s it?

David E. Jackson: That’s an interesting comment right there. Right? You know, and, of course, we’re both responsible, me, for my blindness and her for her reticence, for that not to be a realization that we had.

So, after her death and after the mourning, I connected with a person here and her first spouse had died and we just found each other, you know, looking at each other across a room. We found each other wanting to go for long walks together and just talk. I said to her, “I didn’t think this was possible.” And she said, “I knew this was not possible. I had no interest in this. And do I really need this?”

And so we, you know, got closer and closer together and at some point we said to each other, “I love you.” And, of course, it meant so much. It was so different to say that now than when we were like, you know, 28.

Anna Hall: How is it different?

David E. Jackson: It’s without artifice. You know, it’s like, okay, no matter what, we’re just going to say the truth to each other. No matter what.

Anna Hall: How refreshing.

David E. Jackson: It’s just, you know, no… no posing, no trying to be someone you’re not. No problem saying, “Sorry, I’m really busy in the next three days. Could you go away for three days and leave me alone?” You know, Yeah. Okay, fine. You know… “but you still love me, right?” We go to Shabbat services together and sit there and hold hands. Nothing could be cuter…

Anna Hall: Oh, I love, love.

David E. Jackson: …than two old people sitting in Shabbat services holding hands.

Anna Hall: That’s beautiful.

David E. Jackson: …singing these ancient prayers. together that we learned, you know, 60 years ago. The funniest thing is, you know, we live right on the shore of Lake Merritt, right?

Anna Hall: Yeah.

David E. Jackson: And Lake Merritt is this amazing little community. There’s every kind of person who walks around Lake Merritt. You pass people, you know, pushing the baby in the stroller. You see someone walking their aged father a few steps. People will come up to us and say, oh, you two are so cute! And we look at each other like, “What?” You know, but apparently there’s a little glow that’s coming out of us when we’re sitting there.

Anna Hall: David, I can see it right now.

David E. Jackson: Okay, you know.

Anna Hall: It’s the love glow.

David E. Jackson: Yeah, it’s like yeah, okay, you know and then that’s… just another example of how there’s something beyond the material world. Right?

Anna Hall: Yeah.

David E. Jackson: People walk by. They feel the vibe. I mean, what is that? And of course, you know, if you looked at the people who are talking to each other, you would never expect this to be a conversation. You know, it’s two aged white people talking to a Latino mother with her baby. It’s just, you know, it’s kind of special. And, and, you know, and really nice just and really good. Right? And, of course, today we’re all looking for moments of goodness, right?

Anna Hall: Yes.

David E. Jackson: We’re all just looking for it because…

Anna Hall: We need them.

David E. Jackson: The world’s pretty hard place right now for all kinds of people. So when you get these moments… it’s all it is, a moment of goodness, you can be full of gratitude for that.

Anna Hall: I think that you’re sharing love in other ways. I think there’s many forms of love and many forms of energy for all of us to connect in. Tell us about this Shabbat service that you’re running in your community and the 40 people who are attending every month. How did that happen?

David E. Jackson: That’s also a little crazy. When we first arrived here, the chaplain was an ordained rabbi, and she would lead the monthly Shabbat service.  So she leaves and everyone’s going, “Well, what now?” And of course, I do have this tendency to say, well, if there’s a vacuum, I’ll step in. Now I’ve discovered, not discovered, but I reengaged with Judaism very late in life. It was after I had fully retired and we were living in Berkeley and I got involved at a synagogue up there and started attending weekly Torah study. And it was a revelation to me that all these thoughtful, caring people would sit around discussing the meaning of ancient text and what it meant for them and their current lives now. So, I decided to help out with the Shabbat service. And I created, crafted, curated a service. But I wanted to make it really accessible to all in the community.

First, of course, the Jews at St. Paul’s, you know, they span a wide spectrum of practice and belief. There’s no, you know, there’s no one, you know, type of Judaism. So that’s number one.

And number two, there are lots of people who are not Jewish, who are curious about what it is to have a Shabbat service.

So, the first thing about Shabbat is that it is 100% a time away. We all know the world is really hard. We have our own personal struggles. The world itself is full of violence and heartache and tragedy. And Shabbat is provided in Jewish tradition to be truly a time of away, a rest, a sanctuary. So, we try and create that feeling in the room for about an hour. You know, let’s let it go. Let’s sing together. Let’s say words and poems that talk about peace and comfort and caring. And so, it’s partly Hebrew, partly English, partly prayers from the Hebrew prayer book, partly poems from, you know, everywhere. And each week I do a separate theme. This month was, “Welcome the Stranger.” Obviously, why that’s important now.  Welcome the stranger… You might not know this, but “welcome the stranger”… This would be interesting fact for the podcast. Okay.

Anna Hall: Okay.

David E. Jackson: The phrase “welcome the stranger” is the most frequent phrase in the Torah, in the Hebrew Bible.

Anna Hall: What does that mean? “Welcoming the stranger”?

David E. Jackson: Pretty simple. You, me, you, us were slaves in Egypt. We were freed. And therefore, we need to treat everyone, the stranger, the sojourner in our community, the worker in our fields, the person we don’t know as if they are part of our family, our tribe.

And it’s mentioned, in different ways. One is “welcome the stranger.” The other is, “treat the stranger kindly.” And finally, it is, “love the stranger as yourself.” Those three separate phrases are in the Hebrew Bible in at different moments. And in every case it says, because you were once an oppressed stranger and therefore you should never forget that. Always be grateful for how you were freed and, therefore, treat everyone as if they too need to be freed from oppression, slavery and heartache.

Anna Hall: That’s profound. And what a sense of belonging that must create for people.

David E. Jackson: And of course, you know, when I was talking about this, I said, you know, “Hello! Everyone in this room was a stranger to this community when we first moved in.

Anna Hall: Yes.

David E. Jackson: This is now our lived experience. And every one of us is probably pretty grateful that we were welcomed as strangers into this community. And now every one of us has a small group of friends that we didn’t have before we moved in.”

So, it’s ancient and very, very contemporary. And of course, you know, we live in California. We know what’s going on in Los Angeles. We know what’s going on with the crazy effort to round up all of these immigrants.

The other way to say, “welcome to stranger” is, “weren’t we all immigrants at some point, every one of us.” You know.

Anna Hall: Yes.

David E. Jackson: And therefore, if we were all immigrants and at some point we were welcomed here, of course, we have to welcome the current immigrants, because that’s what makes us strong. That’s what makes us human … humane.

Anna Hall: That’s beautiful, David.

I want to go back to something you’ve mentioned a couple times. You’ve referred to yourself as an “older person.”

David E. Jackson: Yes.

Anna Hall: And I’m wondering, what does that mean to you? And what has growing older meant to you?

David E. Jackson: To state the obvious, you know, I can’t run a mile anymore. I need a nap most afternoons.

Anna Hall: They say naps are very good for… all of us should take naps.

David E. Jackson: Okay, yeah, I know.  Some cultures require naps no matter how old you are.

Anna Hall: Right.

David E. Jackson: Right. Yeah, I’m aware of my fragility, my declining powers. But on the other side of it, I’m freed. You know, I’m freed from work responsibilities. I’m freed from really raising my children. And I can now, you know, focus on what I think is really meaningful and really important. Discovering are there some things that I’ve always wanted to do that were suppressed or there wasn’t enough time for? And yes, there are.

And I’m, you know, doing some of those things now. We also know that death is near. We don’t know when, but we do know it’s near. And that of course, says, you know, take advantage. You know, every day now is a gift. Make it worthwhile. For me, it’s… And I feel fortunate that I’m really in very good health now, relatively speaking. It’s a time of renewed creativity, renewed meaning in what’s important and what makes us human.

Anna Hall: There’s theories of aging that teach us that as we get older and psychologically realize that we have less time ahead of us than the time that we’ve lived, It actually does create a mindset in the human being that makes us focus less on, like, goals and more on meaning. And you’re describing that so beautifully. And that, in fact, growing older for you has been an opening for spiritual growth and love.

David E. Jackson: So, you know, the deepest form of love I have right now… and I know you’re going to ask me about this, but I can’t wait. I want to talk about my first graders. So…

Anna Hall: Go for it.

David E. Jackson: So, the beings that I love the most are my first-grade students. Another kind of accidental series of events ended up with me teaching Sunday religious school at the local synagogue, essentially telling Bible stories from the first book of the Hebrew Bible. And I do it in a very oral storytelling mode. And I always hide a secret snack someplace in the room for them to find. And these kids, you know… first graders are just so open. They’re so loving, you know, all they want to do is listen to you and hug your leg and, you know, you give them an art project, and they jump in and they say, “is this good, teacher David?”

Anna Hall: Aw!

David E. Jackson: And I say, “No it’s not good. It’s great!” And, you know, and they give me that look, you know. And like the first day of school, we were talking about, you know, okay, “What’s your name?” “What’s your name?” And I said to them, you know, you can call me whatever, but don’t call me “late for snack.” It’s an old Groucho Marx line. And they loved that. You know, now, you know, at random moments during the year, they’ll go, “Hey, you! Late for snack! Come over here.” And of course, after three hours with the first graders, I come home–it’s on Sunday– and I just crawl into my room and do a swan dive in my bed and lie there for the next three to four hours recovering ‘cause I don’t quite have the energy.

Anna Hall: Recovering and so fulfilled, right?

David E. Jackson: Yes and fulfilled

Anna Hall: Yeah.

David E. Jackson: And then playing back, you know, all the little things, you know, they said to me. So, it’s just another example of like, okay, make yourself available, open up your heart, see what happens, and life will come to you. Life could actually come to you if you have an open heart.

Anna Hall: That’s beautiful. Life can happen to you, and then you can make things happen.

David E. Jackson: Yeah, yeah. You know, having kids wrestle with the vulnerabilities and the conflicts of humans in ancient text is… it’s a really good thing to do. You know, the ancient text is full of wisdom. Deep wisdom about humans, about human relationships, about our aspirations to do the right thing, but our vulnerabilities for being jealous and selfish. It’s all there. And these kids love to get immersed in it. They understand it. The story of Jacob and Esau… One parent loves one kid, one parent loves the other kid. The two twins are different from each other in profound ways, and they’re full of conflict. That all makes total sense to the kids. And they know that. And they see how these characters, you know, wrestle with the implacable human condition.

Anna Hall: David, it strikes me in this conversation the different communities that you are building and that you are a part of. From your Shabbat community to your St. Paul’s Towers community, to your immersive experiences with your new love…

David E. Jackson: Right, right.

Anna Hall: …in the local community, interacting with people from all kinds of different cultures and backgrounds. What is the impact of community in your life?

David E. Jackson: One of the things about getting old and going through life and coming here is we’re often cut off and separated from the communities that we’ve had. You know, my work community is gone. My nuclear family is grown up and split and they’re going a bunch of ways. Old friends die. And so, you really are faced with an act of recreation because you can’t live without community. You can’t live without being, you know, surrounded and interacting with people.

Anna Hall: We’re built for community. We are social beings.

David E. Jackson: Yeah, you know, we are, obviously, we are built for community, social interaction.

Anna Hall: Yes. Yes.

David E. Jackson: And of course, Covid was, you know, huge, right?

Anna Hall: Devastating.

David E. Jackson: We were all sent into isolation, right?

Anna Hall: Yes. Yes.

David E. Jackson: And many of us learned  to adapt to isolation. So, but you have to really recreate. You know, that takes courage. It takes initiative. It takes being open to rejection. Because when you try and, you know, connect with someone and create it, they may not like you.

Anna Hall: That never happens to you, though.

David E. Jackson: They may like,“Ugh, him again? No! He’s probably going to talk about his first graders. Let’s run the other way!” So, you have to be open to that. You have to be, you know, the V word: vulnerable. I mentioned how easy it was for the St. Paul’s community to console me when I was going through the most difficult time.

Anna Hall: Yeah.

David E. Jackson: I was just surprised and so grateful and so relieved. And maybe… here’s another just example. Right after my, quadruple-artery bypass surgery, ‘cause I was sent to rehab. And then the rehab place was, you know, about a two-three miles away. I couldn’t drive at that point, so I just put a notice out on our little listserv, says, “Here’s my appointments. Can anybody drive me and pick me up?” And suddenly I had a list of 12 people who would drive me there and pick me up. And some of them knew me. Some of them didn’t even know me. You know, there’s only a small portion of us who still drive. And that was just like, okay, we’re here to help. Community is so important, and, you know, it can be, in little ways, itty-bitty ways. It doesn’t have to be a big special deal. But all those little acts of caring, those acts of kindness, they really do matter. They hit us and  stay with us and penetrate inside and, you know, kind of encapsulate that grief, so it stays where it should be, you know, deep inside, still scrubbing your soul.

Anna Hall: Oh, my goodness, you’re such a poet and a teacher. May I call you “Teacher David” from now on?

David E. Jackson: Please do! Of course!

Anna Hall: Wow. I mean… I’m… this has been such an emotional roller coaster, starting with a fire and cancer and grief and death…

David E. Jackson: Yeah.

Anna Hall: …and then love and growth and spirituality and connection and first graders.

David E. Jackson: Yeah.

Anna Hall: I mean, what a story that continues. Well, you’ve illustrated in so many ways how vulnerability is indeed not a weakness, but an opening and a sign, I think, of incredible strength.

David E. Jackson: Yeah.

Anna Hall: And willingness to be strong through vulnerability, helps us deeply connect with each other.

David E. Jackson: When I was 30 I was too fearful to be vulnerable.  You know, it was not, it was not possible for me. For all good reasons, you know. I did the best I could and like most people. So, this is why I relish being old. Because I can be vulnerable and see what happens. If it works, great. If it doesn’t work. Okay, that’s cool too. It’s really good to be alive. Okay. In the midst of a very, very troubled world. Very troubled. Yeah.

Anna Hall: Thank you so much for this conversation. Is there anything else that you’d like to say that we didn’t talk about?

David E. Jackson: I would just really re-emphasize for anyone who’s listening to this, if and when the death of a loved one approaches, You know, be present. And it doesn’t take much. It just takes being there. And, you know, it’s my experience that being present as life slips away to something else that we don’t know. That experience of being close to death will enhance and deepen your life, for sure.

Anna Hall: Thank you.

You’ve been listening to The Front Porch Podcast. I’m your host, Anna Hall.

Our theme music was composed by Geoven Snaer and Dianne Kae Enriquez. Carmen Elena Mitchell is our producer and editor. Our recording engineer is Jeff Gall. Special thanks to Laura Darling for production and marketing support. And to Joseph Escobar for our show art design.

The Front Porch Podcast is a production of Front Porch Communities and Services. If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please share it with a friend and help others find us by subscribing and leaving a review. We’ll be back soon with more stories from the fascinating folk who live and work at Front Porch.

Until then, stay connected and inspired.